Ruth Westheimer is not your average grandmother. Dr. Ruth, a 91-year-old media personality and author, loves to talk openly about sex. As a trailblazer for sex-positive culture, Dr. Ruth has been giving unfiltered sex advice since the inception of her radio talk show, Sexually Speaking, in 1980.
Dr. Ruth is instantly recognizable for her distinct accent and charming personality. As a survivor of the Holocaust, Dr. Ruth was determined to make her life an impactful one. Throughout her career, she’s helped millions of people get frisky and keep the spark in their relationships alive. A new documentary on her life on Hulu shows her commitment to sex positivity is only growing. The first episode of her radio show may be pushing 40 years old but her lessons remain timeless. Here are 10 of our favorites:
1. “When it comes to sex, the most important six inches are the ones between the ears.”
Dr. Ruth has made it clear that great sex with your partner isn’t just based on Olympic gymnast level positions and Victoria’s Secret lingerie. It’s about bonding with someone you love and care about. The best way to be a sex goddess is to show off your authentic personality.
2. You’re never too old to have great sex.
From suggesting that nursing homes have dating rooms armed with do not disturb signs to emphasizing that older people need to be touched too, Dr. Ruth is no stranger to the idea that age is but a number. She suggests that older couples have sex in the morning when both partners are well-rested– and hey, Dr. Ruth knows best!
3. “If you’re always waiting for that orgasm, you won’t enjoy the rest of the love-making as much. You risk being goal-oriented, impatiently waiting for that orgasm.”
We’ve all heard before that it’s about the journey and not the destination, but sometimes it’s hard to remember in the moment that sex isn’t just about rushing toward an orgasm. Living in the moment and enjoying the experience will likely make an orgasm happen more naturally and easily than it would when you’re thinking about it.
4. “Eating an ice cream cone provocatively in public can send out a message, if you dare.”
While the thought of it may sound a bit silly or embarrassing, Dr. Ruth encourages couples not to shy away from making small, sex gestures throughout the day to let their partner know they’re in the mood. Finding new ways to be playful is always encouraged.
5. Foreplay and afterplay are important.
Dr. Ruth notes that “a good sexual experience needs time.” Don’t feel pressured to rush into the main event and close the curtains right after. Just like that dramatic structure chart you were taught in middle school, rising action should precede your climax, which should be followed by some falling action. For afterplay, Dr. Ruth suggests kissing and hugging after sex.
6. “Parade your body in front of your partner, show it off, try to feel good about it.”
Work the skin you’re in! Nothing is sexier than confidence, and your appreciation for your own body will surely enhance the experience for you and your partner.
7. Keep things interesting.
Dr. Ruth is the queen of suggestions for spicing up your sex life. She’s suggested typical ideas, like gifting your partner a can of whipped cream for Valentine’s Day, and some wackier ones, like playing an erect penis ring toss game with onion rings. Whatever suits your fancy and gets you and your partner excited, she says to go for it.
8. Communication is key.
Guiding your partner on how you’d like to be touched and having constructive conversations about your sexual desires are great ways to improve the experience for both you and your partner. After all, your partner wants you to enjoy yourself! They just can’t read your mind.
9. “Ladies you sold 200 boxes of Girl Scout cookies as a kid and now you can’t sell your man on wearing a condom. Come on.”
This quote is funny, but it makes a great point. If you want to use a condom, do not let your partner pressure you into not using one. Be confident in what you think is best for yourself. Condoms are important for protecting yourself from STIs and unwanted pregnancies, and your health should be your number one priority.
10. “Never forget that you have every right to have a satisfying sex life.”
You deserve this, girl! We agree with Dr. Ruth in saying that you have a right to desire. While men are quickly treated for sexual dysfunction, women are dismissed as naturally being less interested in sex than men. If you think you may be suffering from HSDD and want to change it, you are not alone and we’re here to help! Take our quiz and learn more about how you can reclaim your desire.